i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
