This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
