Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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