Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
