If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
