I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
