I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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