so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
