I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
