how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
where am i from again
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
