Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
