He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
