Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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