it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
