guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I am spending my child support on dildos
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
