dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Houston, we have a blender
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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