Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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