very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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