I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
