those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
