mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
