4 words: hood of his car
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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