Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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