And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
