he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
