My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
