i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
