Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
