Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
