Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize