Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
