You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize