I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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