you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
