It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
