WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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