She is in my trunk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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