I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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