Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
