I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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