Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
