The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
