you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
