I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
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We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
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Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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