Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
