people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
