So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
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