Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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