Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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