i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
