Can i not drive my cunt home
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
