soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
