you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
