phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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