well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
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Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
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Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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