While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
