Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
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