Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
