I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
