So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
