Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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