He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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