I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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