I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
